Stones in my luggage. Luggage is heavy enough to carry around. There was also something about water.
I've heard countless metaphors of how the past can certainly weigh us down and ruin our future. I've heard them but never quite understood them.
You see, I am wired to remember stuff.
Of course, I constantly need my planner (color coded this year!) to remember deadlines, meetings and so forth, but I don't need anything to remember trivial things like the year Britney Spears lost her hair or what Lance Bass' favorite song when he was "dating" Danielle Fisher.
And unfortunately, I remember painful events in my life with great detail that is often followed by the sharp pain I felt when I went through that painful memory.
Without realizing it, my baggage has become heavy. I used to think that going back to where I used to be would remind me of what got me to where I am today. What I didn't realize was how destructive this was and constantly going back meant I was never going to be able to fully move forward.
Today, I came across several people from my past and it was as if something inside of me was telling me, "Let it go. It's in the past." And as fate would have it, the first preaching of the year was centered on leaving our baggage behind and moving forward -- freely in 2013.
As I've said, I've read the books and I've heard the metaphors but it was only today that I truly understood what it meant. Our past victories encourage us to trust in God and they are good "milestones" to keep, however, whatever bad has happened previously is like an anchor, stopping us all from setting sail towards greater seas.
Pastor Paul mentioned, "If you want to move forward, LOOK FORWARD!" which really is overwhelming enough without the whispers of our past hurts haunting us. God has said that His mercies are new every morning meaning that whatever we have not forgiven ourselves for, He has already forgiven us for and all we have to do is to step out and receive that.
All this talk about carrying baggages remind me of the American version of the film Shutter where Joshua Jackson's back was constantly in pain because the woman he once hurt was literally living on his back. I can just imagine how many pains we carry on our backs on a daily basis, could this be the reason why it may be harder for us to get up in the morning with hope and expectation?
God has so many great things ahead and I believe this with all my heart, but I realized that I could never truly move towards what God has for me unless I have let go of all things I have done wrong and most importantly, what others have done wrong to me.
I cannot keep my scorecard and expect to be free. I can't constantly play the "my-life-is-better-than-yours" game and expect victory.
I can't expect my life to move forward victoriously if I am constantly carrying revenge in my heart. My intentions have to be clear, I cannot constantly expect good things in my life simply because I want to tell everyone who hurt me in the past that I am better off.
Oh, what a complicated web I have created.
But what's refreshing to know is that God's mercy is new every morning, it's like we're given a new beginning to get things right and to ask God to set our hearts right so we no longer hold on to grudges that eventually weigh us down (and if you're an emotional eater like me-- it starts to show!).
So I'm extra thankful to God because He has given me a chance to unload my suitcase, albeit painfully, at the beginning of the year and make room for the new memories that are to come.
You see, the great thing about God is the fact that while He closes doors, He is also the God who opens doors and really, at this point, I am more excited about walking through those doors than constantly asking God why He closed the others.
His ways are above my own and why, that is just truly something to rejoice about!
Can't wait for your wonderful 2013 to start as well!!! So what else are you waiting for? Happy unloading!