Want.

When I was in third grade, I clearly remember wanting something more than anything that I have ever wanted in my entire life: a tamagotchi.

Although for the life of me, I could never understand why anyone would want a virtual pet living in the pocket of my black and white uniform that inconveniently whimpers when a teacher passes by. But still everyone said it was cool and I wanted one too.

However my parents who were on a tight budget at that time refused to give me something so wasteful and I settled for a new copy of The Baby-Sitters Club instead (now I realize it was the better option).

Come to think of it, that should have been a fair warning to my older self: there would be times that you would want things but they don't necessarily find its way to you.

As I got older, the tamagotchi began to manifest in other ways: the star basketball player, the top of the line cellphone, the perfect body, the perfect grades, the magazine feature etc etc.

And also as I got older I have also encountered moments wherein you don't really get the happy ending you were hoping for and although I am not proud of it, there were also times of over the top whining and crying simply because I didn't get what I wanted and what I thought was the best for me (self pity parties included).

As much as I don't see specific dreams come true everyday I no longer whine or whimper simply because when you truly take the time to write down the beautiful things in my life that were only once dreams, I get knock off my feet.

God has been so gracious.

And I always feel ashamed of all the tantrums that I have thrown, in the privacy of my own room-- thankfully and how much God's grace extends to me on a daily basis (I am so glad that His grace overflows or else I may have used up my share)

And so on days when I see the thing I want more than anything in the world with someone else, I no longer feel like running away or crying or indulging myself in tremendous amounts of self-pity, instead I take a deep breath and thank God for the moment when I too will have what my heart has been longing for, but until then walking hand in hand with Him is more than enough.

PS: Also, I have learned that being happy for others and seeing their dreams come true is so much better than constantly crying in my room where there is no sunlight or cheesecake.