My Heart and Other Black Holes was supposed to be another novel to distract me from life and the disappointments I've had with it lately. I've always been optimistic and sunshine-y but crushing disappointments have left me empty.
You see, I wasn't always this happy rah rah girl. There's a dark side to me and in high school, I even described it as being in a "hole". I wish I could tell you the reason for my sadness but there's none. All I know is that it has nothing to do with the people around you or the medals around your neck.
Sadness engulfs and what's maddening about it is that nobody seems to understand. There are good days and there are dark days. The dark days are the worst, I turn into a person completely opposite of who I am that even I scare me. My black holes used to be hidden out of the fear that it would scare people out.
But this ridiculously beautiful novel reminded me that:
1) there's no need to hide the ugly / crazy parts of you from those you love and those who love you.
2) you don't have to deal with your sadness alone.
3) it gets better.
I read can't less article an depression that the reason most people end it is becaus their sadness takes over and they lose hope. They lose hope that things will get better and they lose hope of finding someone who loves them, crazy and all. Sometimes, since sadness is extremely exhausting, we think that waving the white flag is better but that is never the case. There is so much to live for and what tugged my heart (that is still sometimes sad but no longer drowning) a the fact that people do care and that we have the power in us to fight another day. We have the strength and resiliency to accept the reality we currently have and hope that there's something better in the future.
It renewed my trust in the days to come and somehow, ignited a positive energy in me just when I needed it.
So thank you Jasmine Warga, the hole is never truly too black to get back from.