This is how I choose to remember you, Kae.

2005 was a remarkable year for me.

It was the year I transitioned from being a high school student and into a full fledged Advertising freshman. The school I went to is known for training its students the way the Europeans do, do away with the general subjects, and go straight ahead to the major ones: Business, Principles of Advertising, and shockingly enough, Business Math.

I have always been generally awkward and coming into a mix of students from entirely different backgrounds was extremely scary for me, especially since they have all come to know me as the girl who cried in the registrar's office. 

On the first day of my Business Communication class, I was seated with three people who would impact the rest of my college life: Shine Grandea, Nolan Diosana, and yes, Kae Davantes.

If her name is familiar, it is because it has been all over the news in the past four days and in the worst reason possible. I found out about the news on Sunday morning and I haven't fully digested it until tonight. I cannot truly explain how I am feeling, these are things you watch on CSI, and doesn't happen to someone you know, and someone you spent a good amount of time in college with.

With so many stories coming out about Kae, I couldn't help but feel that there was more to her than the way she died. People who have heard her story don't know how her eyes twinkled when she smiled, and how she laughed. Kae had a wicked sense of humor, and an amazing taste in music. It is safe to say that she has made my playlist cooler in college, and I still have her MP3 CDS stashed in my CD cases.

Kae and I were inseperable in college, especially in our first year of college. 

Writing this entry is difficult because I know we shared a lot of memories together and I feel that writing them down would make me lose them.

Kae, if anything, was passionate. She was the kind of person who, when she got her mind on something would do anything to reach it. She was a dreamer, and she inspired me to dream a little bigger. She also found joy in the little things, and she got kilig over something as silly as making eye contact in someone. She loved food, and good books and thoroughly enjoyed going to the gym. She was also the person who introduced me to Love, Actually, Galaxy Chocolate, and Chokokak Landia. We were textmates, taking advantage of Smart's unlimited texting and found a way to make a land of our own and even our own dictionary. She loved quotes as much as I did and taught me about People.com which continues to be one of my most visited sites up to this day. She also enjoyed talking about basketball with me, and most importantly, she was ready to listen about

She was articulate, and was extremely, extremely bright. Hearing about how  well-loved she is by her co - workers, and how far she has come makes me happy because she deserves all that. Kae was a go getter and I'm so happy that her star twinkled so bright. 

As I write this, I am watching the video Kae made for me for my 18th birthday, and while I am crying, I am also smiling, she was a wonderful person who made sure she told her loved ones she loved them. She was dedicated to the things that mattered most to her, and most of all, she had such an overwhelming confidence in herself and the people she loved.

I was such a shy, insecure seventeen year old when we met, but all that changed when she became one of my closest friends. Her optimism often displayed in the notes she gave her friends reflected how much she believed in us and how much she loved us. Kae also had a generous heart, I recall so many times she helped me in numerous ways. She helped me in studying, and inspired me to be the best student that I could be. We were such dorks, and the highlight of our college life was getting good grades and getting on the Dean's List. She was superbly intelligent and I have always admired her for that. 

And while life sent us into different directions after college, Kae's random text messages about her life always made me smile. I was happy she found her prince, and I know she is still expectantly awaiting mine.

I know we were supposed to meet up, and catch up on life, and I wish we did, but her memories with me would last a lifetime, and would definitely make me smile every time I take it out of my box.

But what truly set Kae apart was the fact that she believed in me, and for someone who had trouble believing in herself, having that influence has left such an impact. Kae was vibrant, and she loved life. And I am not just saying that, Kae was the epitome of positivity and that is how I choose to remember her.

How she left the world brings me so much pain, but I'd rather remember the way she lived. Kae always believed God had a plan, and she trusted Him completely and so I will too. God said in Exodus that he will fight for His children, and I know at this moment He is fighting for you and He will bring you justice.

I know you are happy with the angels now, Kae, I know you are in paradise, and I know you are with our Father. I also know that somehow, this message will get to you, you have always been my blog's number one fan. 

Thank you Kae for the love that you have brought into my life. Thank you for the silly times we played UNO in the lobby, and the times you believed my crush liked me (you know how that ended!). Thank you for forever being my favorite camera buddy back when they were new, and the times you spent your load on my random stories. Thank you, Kae for being the bestest friend a girl could ask for in College. College was fantastic because of the chocoduos.

Kae, so many people are fighting for you, and crying for justice. I hope you can see all of their support, even our favorite, Bianca Gonzales, is crying for this murder to be solved. You are loved by many, most by people you haven't even met. I wish this blog entry gives them a tiny glimpse of how wonderful you are. You are getting so much love and I want to tell them that you deserve all of it. 

I choose to remember your laughter Kae, and your one-of-a-kind accent, I choose to remember your love for cupcakes, and our failed attempts at dieting (not that you ever needed it, hahaha!), and your crazy debut with SO MUCH CUPCAKES! I'll never forget you, Kae and I know we wanted our kids to be friends, but trust me when I say that they will know about you, I will show them our embarrassing vain bathroom photos, and I'll tell them of how much we loved movies, and laughter.

I love you. No words will never be enough.

Thank you for being a part of my life. Now, soar & dance, and charm heaven with your smile.

Chocoduos are forever. :)