Similar to the effect of Ondoy in 2009, Maring entered the country over the weekend and stayed until this morning leaving Metro Manila in a wide array of chaos. Banks were closed, streets were impassable, and people were once again distressed over the mess. The weekend stretched to five, with most people spending their days inside their homes out of the fear that the floods would consume them once they step out.
Generally, I enjoy staying at home, there's nothing I love more than disappearing in my own space doing nothing & everything in between. However, I also get into the bad habit of overthinking and analyzing, developing a web of what ifs. My web doesn't really consider my reality, it just goes on and creates its own.
While I won't bore you with the details of it, I could share with you the shame I've felt after I've realized how foolish my thoughts have been.
I've been questioning God and pestering him about areas of my life that stood still without even realizing other areas were flourishing with answered prayers. I just had to take a step back (thisclose to pinching myself) when I realized that there are so many things in my life I only once dreamed of.
God has been so faithful, and I allowed my brattiness, and bitterness take over without realizing I am blessed with so much. Pretty much like the little annoying child in Kindergarten, I foolishly believed I had to have it all to be happy.
Again, I won't bore you with the details but for awhile there I thought that the only way I could be happy was to get what someone else had. That the only way to know that God was working was to have it all, all at once.
It was also foolish of me to believe that someone else having it meant I'll never have it. I turned life into a competition and I was crumbling from all the pressure I put on myself. I didn't believe that what is for me will be for me in God's beautiful time. I am not in a race, and there is no time limit or deadline.
Life just is. Moments are ordained accordingly and trusting God meant trusting that He knows what is best for me and when the best time is for me to have it.
Waiting on God is not an easy feat, especially for someone as ADD as me, but all it takes is just being grateful, something I have foolishly forgotten.
It all begins with a little thank you, and hopefully in the days to come, I seek to see what I have, instead of what I lack.