Sunday, July 22, 2012
The Deal With Rejection
We all have it, no matter how many times we try to deny it.
This is the reason why we can relate to the rise of expectations vs. reality memes. And even if we don't verbalize them, we all have created ideals for the perfect jobs, perfect family and the perfect partner in our heads.
This could also be the reason why we often feel rejected.
Now, I'm not downplaying rejection. It is a very real thing. But most of the time, the reason we are or feel rejected is because we created this perfect picture in our head and often, it doesn't leave room for little surprises in life. When things don't turn out the way we want them to, we always look at where it went wrong, instead of looking at the million things that went right.
Rejection is real and rejection hurts and often this hurt turns into the person or the company or the friend who did the rejecting.
Wanting to get even or at least wanting to prove ourselves becomes a sordid reality in our lives.
And when we operate out of this system of bitterness, we only envelope ourselves in a dark cloud of anger and we know that nothing good can ever come out of it.
And if we don't face rejection head on, it eventually oozes out into the other parts of our lives. A simple "no" from a good friend due to a good reason becomes a big deal because we are still feeling vulnerable from a rejection totally unrelated to your friend.
Truth is and this is something that is difficult to wrap our heads around but is very true in our lives, rejection does not mean you are not good enough.
You are good enough. You are more than enough actually.
The reality is, we are all created for a purpose and the paths of purpose in our lives are tied with specific people and events. And believe me when I say that sometimes, the rejection that tore you apart is actually what you needed to get you to the right direction. The rejection that broke your heart was what you needed to wake up and change something in your life.
We always run away from the word rejection. We always fear it, when in fact we should embrace it.
Yes, it hurts and yes it does make me question my self-worth as well and it makes me want to kick the person in charge of the rejecting-- but what good would pain be if we don't learn from it?
We can't force a person to love us (I tried but Nathan Scott still hasn't returned my calls). We can't force our way into a promotion. We can't make people like us by liking all their statuses on Facebook, commenting on their blogs or just by simply being nice.
There's a reason why things are the way they are and the only actions we're responsible for is our own. So yes, we give it our all, we become nice, we blog, we comment, we give it our best shot, we pray and yet still, all we face is a dead end all marked with the R word.
We feel wounded because nobody wants to feel like they're not good enough.
Rejection is real so it must be good for something.
Maybe it's time for you to break all your previous ideals about what rejection is and see it for what it could be.
Maybe the job you wanted so badly wasn't given to you because you were meant for greater things or an entirely different career path.
Maybe the boy who seemed perfect and who seemed like the one you have been praying for since you were eleven is just really not that into you because God has someone else in mind, someone unlike your perfect fifth grader crush, but this someone is the one who could make you feel the happiest, the one meant for you.
And maybe that rejection from your fifth grader crush was truly what you needed to finally get out of the box that you've set for yourself. That maybe, just maybe, Prince Charming was not clean cut, that maybe he was someone entirely opposite of Freddie Prinze Jr.
Or maybe that rejection as cheesy as it may sound made you so hurt that you wanted to turn your life upside down and that change was what you needed to get you to where God wants you to be -- a life far greater than anything that you have ever imagined.
A tweet by one famous pastor on twitter (forgive my poor memory) said that without obstacles, victory will be irrelevant and i believe in this with all my heart.
I believe that without those crummy crying in the dark moments, we will not appreciate the sunshine in our lives. If all of our days were the same, if all of our days felt like a walk in Central Park then would we truly appreciate the miracles in our lives or simply take them for granted?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The truth is, it's so easy to get mad at the person who thought we were not good enough and lose our weight into their hearts, but truth is, they probably rejected you not because they wanted to spite you, but maybe because they did that simply because they were not meant to be a part of your life. That maybe if they had a role in your life it will not be as good as the one in your head, and may even cause greater pain.
Just be thankful that God saved you from an even greater heartache.
And the most difficult part is wishing them well or actually being happy for them when they find the happiness in another person that we wished to share with them.
Truth is, the perfect job and the perfect person is out there and probably rejecting someone else at the moment, their loss is your gain the same way your loss is someone else's gain, so even though it ridiculously hurts at the moment, here's my advice (something I am trying to do myself) let it go.
It will all fall into place soon and one day you will understand that the chaos was meant for something.
You're perfect the way you are and no, nobody can take the away from you unless you let them to.
So next time you come across rejection, remember that every rejection is a step closer to that "yes" that your heart desires.
While you're at it, use the pain to make you stronger and make you even more beautiful than you already are. There is confidence in facing something horrible and coming out of it bruised, but still okay.
You're well on your way.