just one of those things.

i would love for it to happen today.

i don't know why but lately, now that girls have gained more 'power' so to speak, admitting that you actually want to be with someone is shameless. ever since ne-yo came out with "Miss Independent" wanting to be with someone has become a crime.

now i am not saying that you should desperately seek for a guy (something that i detest to this day) but maybe it is okay to admit that you are human sometimes.

i've been praying for my very own version of Jake Ryan since I read 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' when I was 12 but so far, eleven years later, God has not been budging. And I have done countless things in those eleven years and yet the void remains.

There are days (a lot of days) that I breeze through the days without thinking about it, but there are days when my status glare so brightly, i cannot avoid it even if i was wearing my shades.

for most people, reminding me of my status is a hobby, a way of life, while some people applaud me for 'being so good at being alone'.

honestly, i wouldn't know simply because i've always been alone. i've always relied heavily on myself and have never been in a serious, long lasting relationship long enough to know if it is actually worth anything. i have been a cynic, a hopeless romantic and oblivious to it.

but today, i just feel a little bout of sadness.

however, i look back on my 12 year old self with determination. she has never, ever given up on the belief that someday, someday someone would look at her and immediately know that she was the one God created for Him.

honestly, i still don't understand why girls try to chase after guys when in fact, you don't have to lift a finger when it comes to the guy God has prepared for you. most people say that in order to find the guy perfect for you, it is important for you to 'go out there' (i.e.: get drunk) and explore.

but i still uncompromisingly believe that God's plans are far greater than any of my shallow ways of 'meeting' and 'bumping' into guys 'randomly'.

i believe that God's love story for me is far greater than any games, social networking sites or running after a guy. God created me to be pursued and i know that one day, i would look back and know that it was worth the wait.

it was worth going through lonely days like this one and worth the tears and the prayer.

girls, it is okay to feel lonely, but never make it an excuse to simply settle for less, instead use as an opportunity to be molded in the One who loves you the most. It's okay, He can take your tears and your questions and once you let it all out, He will soon reveal to you a sense of comfort that no man can ever ever give you.

so cry for a bit, pray, then let it go.

the man God has prepared for you is out there being molded the same way you are and when you look into His eyes, you would be extremely glad that you waited.