for there's no way he can be false to himself."
2 Timothy 2:13 (MSG)
One of my first memories of pre-school was of legit legalism, basically if I do well I get to take home something (I keep forgetting that no, I may not take home the grocery set) but if I don't I get to face the wall alone which means I can't make funny faces with a classmate while facing the wall.
And as I grew older, the different set of legalism changed, it suddenly depended on my weight, on my grades and everything else that had a lot to do with earning whatever good thing that was in my life.
This is the reason why I always felt elated whenever I got a good grade or did well on a project at work because it meant that I was good at something and that I excelled, that I achieved. The same was also true whenever I committed a mistake simply because it meant that it was I who failed, this was especially unbearable if I do something so wrong and many hours were spent taking care of it and making it "right" so to speak.
This type of thinking followed me until I grew up and somehow, eventhough I grew up a Christian, it was quite difficult for me to grasp the fact that God loved me unconditionally and that His love for me remains the same no matter what I do, no matter how huge the sin I have done.
My sin will not make me stop Him from blessing me because He is a generous God and although He does hate sin, He doesn't hate me, in fact He sent Jesus to cover all the things I've done wrong, all that I am doing wrong and all that I will do wrong.
It is also true that I cannot control God through my actions, after all He is God and I am not, a fact that I often forget whenever I am too focused on myself. I know this is not an excuse to keep doing the things that break His heart, but it means that even if I trip when I'm trying my best He won't take it against me.
We must also stop thinking that God is mad at us, or allows bad things to happen to us simply because we are not "good enough" because to begin with, we are saved because of what Jesus did and not because of anything that we did.
It is quite safe to say that no matter what I do, as long as I keep my eyes focused on Jesus, no matter how trips I make or how many times I may disappoint Him, He will never let me go and that He is always willing to give me infinite chances.
This is something I could never deserve, but it is what is freely given to us, and this is what makes me love God even more because no matter what I do, I am loved.
This is the reason why I can love and forgive others when it is not the easiest thing to do simply because I was given so many chances so many times, it would be hypocritical of me to treat others with anything less than love.
To be loved like this could also mean that I should be in a constant joyous state simply because I am loved just because and that is enough of a blessing because His love causes great and beautiful things to happen in my life not because I am good but because He is.
I could only love because He loved me first and for that I am forever grateful.