I am, by nature, a highly cheerful person.
Ever since I was a little kid I have been said to be a child that always finds a little good in every little thing.
I was always optimistic and always believed the best in people although lately the lines may have blurred a bit since I have always been the optimistic, cheerful one, people suddenly expected me to be just that ALL THE TIME.
Which is why today I have realized has scared me and pressured me into becoming little miss cheery pants 101 percent of the time and the sad part about it was the rejection because I am not Little Miss Sunshine all the time. I have issues to deal with and tears to cry and just like everyone else, I need a shoulder to lean on to get me through the day.
The thing with my walk with Jesus is the fact that some people have expected a different level of perfection from me, often berating me saying that if I truly am with Jesus I wouldn't feel wounded, insecure and I would be happy ALL THE TIME. If I was in fact feeling all of those things it means that I am doing something wrong and I am not completely walking with Jesus.
I couldn't get into Theology because I did not go to Bible school nor do I feel competent to talk about the subject. However, I must admit that I too have given off that kind of judgement in some other form once or twice in my life.
The truth is, the reason why we walk with Jesus is because we are human and if we do it on our own we would fail. Knowing Jesus is not being transformed into perfection on our own account but instead admitting that we are weak but in that weakness, God shows Himself strong. It is in our weakness that God's power is shown, so just in case you're feeling a little weak or you feel that you world maybe shaken a bit, stand strong, when you are at the end of your rope, that is when God shows Himself the strongest in your life.
So it is okay to admit that you're having a bad day, it's okay to admit that you get mad sometimes, in fact in general it's okay to not be okay, it's okay to not have all the answers, it's okay to rest on your journey but not completely give up. It's okay to refuel. It's okay to filter friends who do nothing but discourage your dreams and most importantly, it's okay to cry and say, "God I can no longer take it, please help me get through this but only through Your help."
So just in case you came across the entry and feeling a little low and feeling guilty for it, don't be. God loves you no matter what you're feeling, you don't need to feel bad for feeling bad. God loves you and is more than willing to help you get out of the rut if you ask Him to.
So let it all out to Him: cry, talk to Him and feel His presence consume you, that although you may not understand knowing that God loves you and will not in any way harm you and watch your day turn around.
And just in case: here's an extra hug from me to you, don't worry, it does get better. =)