Wednesday, March 14, 2012
It's like I'm walking around with a hole in my heart because no matter what I do, buy or hang out with I always lay my head on a pillow empty, without no emotion, wondering if this is the life that everyone is talking about.
To begin with, I'd like to think that most of us are jesters or involved in a highly time consuming masquerade where in the morning after we take our shower we put on a mask that doesn't let the world in on what is really happening inside of us.
We buy luxuriousness blogs, tweet about our "popular" friends, current events and politics letting everyone know that we have it together.
We have a good job we love. We are aiming for the highest position our company has to offer. We study. We make friends. We travel. We explore.
And in truth, these pursuits do make life more interesting but deep down as we move on from one pursuit to another we find ourselves devoid.
At the end of the day when we're all alone with our thoughts that's when we hear the eternal beating of the loneliness that echoes through our hearts.
It may not be as dramatic and we tend to drown it out by moving from one relationship to another demanding our better half to complete us and when that does not work we run to the Mall hoping that the latest gadget will make us complete or tweeting about all the vain pursuits of life will make us the person who is completely content with where we are and who we are with.
Many people say that life is not about the vain pursuits of the world and we are commanded to be like children and commanded to be satisfied with the things we have and the people around us without the demand of wanting more.
And yet, we do want more.
Most of us get into relationships with the hottest bachelors in town just to make us feel that we are worthy of someone who is tagged as such. We buy the most expensive clothes and the most expensive bags just so we feel elite. We get lost in the game of social climbing and club hopping in the hopes that by having friends in high society and being featured in magazines we'd find our worth.
Often by entering into something without knowing whose we are we create more trouble for ourselves. Most people achieve all of these things in life and by the world's standards has achieved success and perfection and yet they are rotting away on the inside, unable to determine why they feel so alone and why even though they followed the guidebook of the world rather meticulously, they still sleep with an empty heart.
Falling into the trap of following the rules of the world often leaves someone with an empty heart simply because if you get it right by the world's standards-- you're okay, you get praised but if you take a single step wrong, the world that once praised you would be the first one to remind you of your mistakes and your failures.
it's like stepping on a treadmill that keeps you running but gets you nowhere.
it's like constantly trying to become the person that the world tells you to be and yet the rules change so often that once you've perfected one character, they go ahead and demand another, because of this you get lost in the world of shallow relationships, expensive things and you are now defined by the things you do rather than who you belong to.
it's tiring to pretend that you are happy with a guy who doesn't treat you right but stay with him anyway because he has found a way to define who you are.
it's tiring to constantly buy expensive things that only leave your bank account empty
and most important it's tiring to try and become the person everyone expects you to be when in truth you just want to be the person you want to be who may be a bit dorky and a bit eccentric but it's the person you are comfortable with.
i used to be the biggest people pleaser in the world and led me to stretch myself until i could no longer recognize who i was. i used to find my identity in relationships and friendships and used to lose a part of who I was when they left.
it was only when i surrendered myself to the One who would never leave and loved me even before I knew of this great love was then did I find healing.
that it's taking awhile but in no way would i go back to the person i used to be in exchange for this person who has so much peace not because everything is perfect but because God is even though my circumstances are not.
There is joy in knowing God and in knowing how much He loves me.
In a simple verse that is probably the most popular one in the world, "For God so loved the world..." I have come to know my true identity and in it, I build a life that is not easily shaken.
It's a life that can be defined in so many ways but let me tell you the one thing that it is not: DEVOID.
Step into this life, give it to God and never again will you be defined by things that the world can easily take away.